Working parents are often told by parenting experts and the mainstream media that quality time can make up for the lack of quantity time between parents and kids when both parents are working. However, recent research suggests that highly structured time when all family members are participating in one activity together isn’t necessary in order to have meaningful time that reconnects family members emotionally. Families can reconnect even during the mundane work of keeping a household running, provided they have a positive attitude and some attention to share with each other.
What is Quality Time?
Quality time is time that is explicitly scheduled in and dedicated to spending time together. With the busy pace of modern life, most families are going in many different directions all day. Quality time intends to make up for the absence of a large quantity of time spent together with shorter periods of highly focused, positive, scheduled time in which the entire family enjoys an activity or outing together.
The Shortcomings of Quality Time
One problem many families face when implementing quality time is that authentically happy experiences are difficult to plan for and schedule. Memorable and pleasant events happen naturally when people are relaxed and happy being with each other, and if everyone has been told they need to go rollerskating on Sunday afternoon whether they like it or not, the family’s experience of quality time may end up feeling more forced and stilted than positive and enjoyable.
In addition, it may be logistically difficult for families to truly dedicate a block of time each week to family only time, with work commitments or birthday parties coming up at the last minute.
Is Quality Time for Families Really Necessary?
A 2007 study led by Tamar Kremer-Sadlik at UCLA’s Center on "Everyday Lives of Families" found that a dedicated block of quality time was difficult for families to enforce and often interfered with the ability of the parents to get household tasks and errands done during time away from work. The researchers conducted their study by videotaping family interactions during off-work hours, and found that many positive interactions between parents and children happened in the unscheduled times of day.
Parental Attitude Matters When Spending Time With Kids
These mundane moments when families were simply “hanging out” at home together, doing housework, reading or working together were opportunities to spend time together in a positive way. These relationship-building interactions were characterized by a willingness to meet a child at his level and engage in his interests with a positive attitude. This research suggests that a parent’s attitude towards spending time with his or her children is more effective in maintaining a positive emotional connection than scheduling a dedicated block of quality time each week.
Working parents do face challenges in finding the time and space to reconnect with their children after the family has been away from home all day. However, special family oriented quality time activities and outings are not essential to creating this connection and positive experience, especially if family members would rather be doing something else. Having a positive attitude and being willing to listen and get silly with your kids can be done anytime, even while you’re folding the laundry.
Michelle Carchrae - Michelle Carchrae has worked as a Volunteer Phone Counselor at Childline and as a Training Developer and Call Centre Trainer, but the job ...
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