Whether you've just found out you're pregnant or are thinking about trying to conceive, the prospect of parenting an older child and a newborn at the same time can be intimidating. Every member of your family will need some time and space to adjust to a new arrival, so setting up a plan in advance can help smooth the transition for your older child or children. While every child will react to a new sibling in his own way, here are some ideas to help you prepare older children for the arrival of a new sibling.
Remember Time is Abstract For Young Children
Whether you decide to tell your child when you first get a positive pregnancy test or once you're starting to show, it is important to remember that children understand time differently than adults. To a young child, it may not mean much to say that the baby will arrive in five months, but it can help to talk about what events and seasons will pass between then and now.
Prepare Children by Talking and Reading about Babies
Like everyone else, children handle change more easily when they know what to expect. Talking to your older child or children and explaining that the new baby is going to need to be held or nursed often, will wake up at night and won't be able to play right away can help them understand that babies need a lot of adult attention. Toddlers and preschoolers love to be involved, so show them how they can help by bringing you diapers, clean pajamas or washcloths when you need some help.
Reading books about new babies can help too, such as Dr. Sears' Baby on the Way [ Little, Brown Young Readers, 2001] or Joanna Cole and Maxie Chambliss' books I'm a Big Sister [Harper Collins, 1997] and I'm a Big Brother [Harper Collins, 1997] can help older siblings prepare for the changes a new baby will bring.
Routines, Patience and Attention Help Older Children Cope
After the baby arrives, try to stick as closely as possible to your usual daily routine. Giving your older child opportunities to play outside and a regular bedtime will help him or her feel more secure. Also, make sure that your older child has some regular one-on-one time with each parent. Take the time to offer extra opportunities to cuddle and hold your older child. Time spent nursing or feeding your newborn can multitask as an opportunity to read a story with your older child.
If sibling rivalry or jealousy emerges in your older child, especially once the baby is mobile and into his or her toys, talk with your older child about her feelings towards the baby and give him or her an opportunity to express those feelings in a safe way.
Adjusting to the arrival of a new baby will take time for all members of your family. Children can experience feelings of jealousy, anger and decreased self-worth after the arrival of a sibling, so by talking to your child before and after the birth of a new baby, taking the time to reassure them of your continued love with one-on-one time, and giving extra cuddles, you can help older siblings cope with the arrival of a new sibling.
Michelle Carchrae - Michelle Carchrae has worked as a Volunteer Phone Counselor at Childline and as a Training Developer and Call Centre Trainer, but the job ...
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